Cabin Fever


Director: Eli Roth

Reviewed by Paghat the Ratgirl

As my sweety said while toddling off to bed, "This film's so stupid there's absolutely no reason to finish watching it." Don't ask me to explain why, but I sat tight all the way to the dumbass end.

Some young people go to a cabin to get picked off one by one. But instead of by a mad slasher they are picked off by a flesh-eating virus &/or by their own stupidity. Viewers who watch these sorts of films too drunk to be sure what's going on, & just want some tit & ass & buckets of blood, will find this satisfactory. Anyone who wants their T & A & Gore in the context of a story that makes at least marginal sense will feel greatly cheated.

For the story to function it requires the characters to be stupider than it is humanly possible to be without being institutionalized under twenty-four hour supervision. They're such an unlikeable crew that nothing happening to them matters in the least.

When their first friend gets the disease they banish her to the woodshed, that's how helpful they are to each other. They're all inherently bad people, so the quicker they're dead the better; it should've been a fifteen minute short subject that just did them in immediately because every minute they're still alive is annoying.

After they shoot & wound a sick man & refuse to help him, their way of dealing with him trying to steal their Jeep so he can get to a doctor is to shoot the Jeep & break all the windows with a baseball bat & make sure they won't be able to use it either. Then they accidentally set the man on fire for the sake of the often-seen Cliche Fire-Gag. Apparently he was made out of straw since he only needed to be barely touched with a small lit stick to go up like a volcano.

They're not unwilling to shoot people but when a mad dog keeps trying to get them, they just shoot in the air to scare it away, & when finally the dog is cornered by one of the characters with rifle in hand, instead of just shooting it he turns & runs so the dog can chase him down. When someone sees a dead corpse in the reservoir, he climbs down a rotting ladder in order to poke it with a stick, then predictably the ladder breaks & he falls on the corpse. Absolutely nothing happens as the result of doing anything rational. Every incident requires the cast be mentally retarded.

Characters rampage around killing various people with guns or shovels or sticks even though the flesh-eating virus isn't supposed to make them psycho; they do it strictly because they're stupid. They're not good enough actors to make it work as comedy, & it certainly had no chance of working as suspense or horror.

There are at least three houses & a well-used highway short walks away, but these fools can't figure out how to ask for medical assistance. This cast is exactly like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. Except for someone inherently freaked out by skin-disease make-up FX, absolutely nothing imaginative happens. There are lots of movies almost this bad but not very many this devoid of imagination.

copyright by Paghat the Ratgirl

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