Catwoman

CATWOMAN. 2004

Director: "Pitof"

Reviewed by Paghat the Ratgirl



How in the world did Halle Berry get hornswoggled into this lousy film? Riding a high wave of an Oscar award & exaggerated critical acclaim for her vastly overrated over-acting in Monster's Ball, she surely had her choice of projects. So why this turkey? Is she just stupid, or does she have an agent who secretly hates her guts? Batman should track down the whole crew & beat the holy crap out of everyone involved.

From the point of view of dark fantasy, the intimations of Egyptian mythology, the supernatural cat's ability to restore life plus induce super powers, should have been moody & interesting, in an escapist film sort of way at least. But Catwoman's opening sequences of death & rebirth, which were the most myth-laden, was deadly dull.

The animation was jerky & stupid looking. Didn't those people know about blue screens so that you're at least looking at the actors? Cutting from Babe In S/M Costume, to Animated Storyboard Cartoon Character in S/M Costume, & back to Babe in S/M Costume, was beyond rediculous. It would've looked better if it had all been animation, even though this film is a screaming argument against overuse of CGI.

Bad animation, bad story, bad acting -- well, maybe the costumes at least were nice? Not really. The primary costume leaves a little to be desired. Even for fetish value, that cat-hat looked like a helmet. It made Halle's head look like the Big Giant Head with ears.

Is the "romance" between Catwoman & Ditzy Cop (Benjamin Bratt) supposed to add some sort of love-interest? There are more sparks flying between cartoon mice Pinky & the Brain.

Close-ups of mask & eye-makeup substitute for acting. Comical "poses" in costume substitute for convincing action. Hard to fault Halle for the shape of her ass & her eency teency small hips, but how this woman ever won an Oscar miscast in Monster's Ball (she never stops looking like & posing like a super-model while floundering around fashionably in a script about a woman who would be anything but fashionable) becomes increasingly puzzling with every lame performance she turns in.

Even with such terrible performances in things like Gothika & roles where costuming & bod require no acting to get by (her X-Men appearances & her James Bond stint), Catwoman would seem to be hands-down her worst film to date, because she fails even as a costume or a bod. All she needed to save this Catwoman fiasco for masturbation purposes (if nothing else) was to be a little tiny bit sexy. But if ever a Suitable For Preschoolers rating was deserved, this is it. Ertha Kit at age 80 would've been far sexier.

copyright by Paghat the Ratgirl



[ Film Home ] - [ Film Reviews Index ]
[ Where to Send DVDs for Review ] - [ Paghat's Giftshop ]